Limitless imagination

What to expect? Expect no expectations whatsoever. I simply like to write stories. Read them and read them again. Whatever you read here is a work of fiction, with the possibility of finding your own truth. Whether these stories are based on my own experience, you shall never know. Knowing this, or wondering about it is a possibility, but not the purpose of these stories. These stories were written for the simple joy of creating them.

March 08, 2021

The entanglement of human relations

Once upon a time there was a woman, who lived in a remote village. A woman unlike any other that has ever lived in such a place. She lived her life in happiness, when she was happy. When she was sad, she was happy to live her life in sadness. Both seemed equal to her, as 'both form life', she thought. Only the people she lived with did not understand this. As they knew how happy this woman could be and how much love she could give, they could not understand that someone like this wasn't always happy. 'She is too extreme', they said and started talking behind her back. Stories started to develop and people were wondering, if she might do something unexpected one day and hurt herself. 'Somebody this unstable is not trustworthy', they were muttering and their hearts started to fill with fear. The woman did not know anything of this and continued to live her life in a respectful way. When she was sad, she considered the other people and kept to herself, as not to spread the sadness to others. When she was happy, she engaged in conversations and listened to the stories of everyone. One day however, the people of the town gathered in unison to talk to the woman. The fear for her safety had grown so much, that they needed to address the woman's lack of stability. So they confronted her one morning and asked her if everything was fine, or if she needed help. It was not a particularly good morning for her, but as she knew how to deal with her own problems, she replied 'I'm doing fine'. She had learned already long ago, that the people in her community were happy when she was happy and sad when she was sad, but sometimes she could not help to feel sadness, so she started to always say that she was fine. The alternative would be to share all her problems with others and that would lead to even more disaster. She did so in the past and it worried everyone so much, that she stopped sharing her emotions and learned to keep them for herself. This way her sadness was hers, but with time she also learned to keep her happiness to herself. She had made the experience, that when she was happy, people sometimes tried to take it away from her, only because they were not happy themselves. When she was sad, nobody wanted her sadness somehow. So she kept both to herself, just in case. Several weeks passed after the villagers had openly asked the woman how she was doing, before they gathered once more. The woman had been very silent recently and they were even more worried by now. As she was standing there, confronted by everyone, she knew that something was off. Soon enough an elderly man started talking to her: 'We are worried about you. Sometimes you are happy and sometimes you are sad. It seems you lack stability and we are worried that one day you will harm yourself, because you life in a world of extremes'. The woman looked at the man and was speechless for just a moment. What should she reply to this? She knew that people won't understand her feelings. She had tried explaining her view of the world many times, but no-one could understand her. In the end she stopped. She thought everything was fine the way it was going. Keeping her distance and finding bliss in her own universe. Now that she was standing there confronted with the people she grew up with, she realised something very important. When you live in a community it is about the connections you have to every single one of them. She kept to herself for too long and this is how suspicion and fear started to develop. Most people in this world live their life's from moment to moment, dwelling in the future or in the past, depending on the situation. She had learned to live in the moment and let go of everything that happened and everything that might be. For a while now she was uncertain how to talk to everyone in the village, because she did not know what to say. She did not want to dwell in the past or the future and for this reason she had distanced herself from the people she used to call her family. Seeing them all gathered around her made her realise that they did not want to harm her. They wanted to help, but they did not know how, because she did not let them. All these thoughts happened in a very short period of time and after she had considered the situation she said the following words:" Thank you all for reaching out to me. I distanced myself out of fear of being rejected, but now I realise that I do not need to shut myself out. When I am happy I shall share my happiness with you. When I am sad, I shall share my sadness through an expression of happiness. I am glad that I live amongst all of you. Thank you." In this way she learned to live in the moment even when sharing her emotions with others. When you talk about your feelings, you are right there in the moment with a person you love.

March 16, 2021

The SUBway

A work of fiction, created with my mind. Words flowing freely typed with those fingers of mine. I am thankful for the chance to be creative. I am grateful for the courage to show myself to others. The following is a dialogue inspired by a TV series which I like. Which one you may guess on your own, or simply use it to be inspired yourself and start your journey. Do you have the courage to board the subway of your consciousness?

I am standing in the subway minding my own business, when I am suddenly approached by a stranger.
"Who are you and what is your purpose", somebody asks me out of the blue.
"I am me and my purpose is to be alive", I respond.
"Well how can you say that so casually and expect me to believe that you mean it? If your purpose is to be alive, then why do you sound so dead?", he phrases his follow-up question, which kind of hits the spot. I feel caught, but of course I cannot tell him that, because then he would be right. So instead I come up with something else:
"When you put it like that, there is certainly a point to it. Only I am wondering myself now, why you came and asked me this in the first place. I barely know you and you simply expect me to open up and tell you what I really think?"
To tell you the truth, his observational skills are very accurate. Only usually, nobody is that honest to a perfect stranger. I am lying to myself, only I can't admit it to him. If I were to admit that I am lying to myself, I would have to admit that I am not exactly telling the truth here. I could say now my ego won't let me, but ultimately it is my decision to lie to myself and be dishonest to others. The problem is, most people do not have the slightest idea how many people are dishonest. Not on purpose, but because they are literally incapable of realising that they are being dishonest themselves. So even though he shoved it right into my face, I simply move around like a wiggly fish and avoid his question altogether. Searching for reasons to not answer truthfully, so I don't have to admit to myself that I am lying. Lying to myself, to him and to everyone else.
"I am simply suggesting here that there might be a certain sense of freedom in admitting to yourself that you are being completely irrational and dishonest to somebody you do not know. What exactly is the point of doing that I wonder? You have never met me and there is no reason for you not to trust me or share this very unimportant piece of information with me. My point is, if we are indeed strangers, which we possibly are, since we never met before, then what is the point of being dishonest? What is the point of avoiding a direct question with a lie? Have you ever even considered the possibility of being honest right now? Or are you so in the habit of hiding your true self that you simply keep lying? For all you know I might be your next best friend, or someone who just wants you to be happy. You simply assume the worst and hide behind your own painful past instead of opening up and giving someone you just met a chance. Every stranger is an opportunity for a fresh start and a possibility to create yourself anew. You now had the perfect chance to step out of yourself and be the person you actually want to be. Someone honest and truthful. Someone who does not have to say he is fine, when he is not. When somebody asks you a direct question, is it not better to just answer it and let him deal with the response? By creating a lie you hide behind something that has no future, because when you are not honest you have to keep changing yourself in order for people to like you. Ultimately you will forget who you are and become somebody you think other people might want. Is that who you want to be? So right now I am going to be very generous. I will give you a second chance and hope that you will take this as a lesson to learn from."
He paused for a second and then...
"Who are you and what is your purpose?"


March 18, 2021

The child that forgot about heaven.

Have you ever wondered where children come from? No? Well, I did and I would like to tell you a story. A story so beautiful and sad, that you might cry. Or laugh. Or smile. A story which is perhaps designed to cause you to react to it with your true and honest emotions.

Once upon a time there lived a woman. Her name was Lily. Her beauty was so astounding and honest, that any man who cast his eyes upon her could not help but stare. It wasn't solely for the way she looked, but mostly for her heart, that her beauty was so radiant. Lily grew up in a very loving and caring environment and learned about many useful things early in life. She knew how to eat right, to comfort her stomach with delicious foods. She knew how to prepare meals that you could only dream of. She knew how to take care of her body and how to make it so that the skin would be soft and shiny and very nice indeed. Lily radiated what all women have inside of them. She radiated love, softness and strength. What most of us have forgotten nowadays is that a woman once used to be gentle and kind and that women have a very important job on this planet. Women above all are able to love. They are able to give so much love that you might wonder where all of this love is coming from. As women are miracles of heaven, of course their love also comes from heaven itself. It is a gift, so that any child born into this world may grow up in an environment of love. This specific and very fine woman knew all of this and thus she was waiting for her husband to appear. Despite what many women around her were doing, she did not engage in any intimate relationships with men. She new that her body must remain pure, for every time a man and a woman come together to celebrate love, they exchange their energies. A part of the man's energy will flow into the woman and she will be connected to him always. Now imagine having mixed your energies with many different men. That must be very confusing indeed. Gladly enough this woman knew all about this, so she was patient and learned to wait for the one man that could make her heart flutter and shine like the sun. For the sun is made of pure love and not of gas, as modern science likes us to believe. One day a man appeared at her door and requested to speak with Lily. His name was Jacob. He had seen her the previous day and her beauty had swept him away. When his eyes found Lily walking across the street, he was speechless. He had never seen someone like this. It was not the way she looked on the outside, but the way she was shining from the inside, that he was unable to think or talk or take his eyes off her. So there he was, standing in front of her house and wondering why he was even there. Despite the fact that he felt madly in love without even knowing anything about her, he knew one thing for sure: "I love this woman and I want to marry her and devote everything that I am, everything that I own and everything that I can give, to her. For she is the love of my life", or so he thought to himself. Of course his future wife did not know anything about this and neither did her aunt, who went to fetch her. When finally the time to wait was over and the door opened once more, there she was, looking at him with keen and curious eyes.

"Good day dear Sir, I hope you don't mind me asking, but do I know you?", she asked him bluntly. He stood there with his mouth half open and did not know what to say. Poor fellow. When ever you will stand in front of your soulmate, you will understand how he must have felt.
"Excuse me, Sir?", she asked once more. This seemed to bring him to his senses, for her voice was so sweet it spoke right to his heart and he remembered why he came to this house in the first place. He thought to himself that any woman who could make him feel this way, is surely worth making a fool of himself. So he once again found his courage and said:
"I'm so sorry, I must look very shifty, standing here staring at you. My name is Jacob and no, Madam, you do not know me yet, but I would like to change that if you let me. I saw you the other day walking across the street and something struck me, that I could not explain. My heart was suddenly beating very fast and I could not take my eyes of you. I have travelled far in my life, but never have I met anyone like you. I would be delighted to tell you more about myself if you would agree to join me for a walk, tomorrow at sunset".

The rest is history one might say, or maybe part of a different story. This story is not so much about the love of a man and a woman, but it is about a child. Let me just briefly tell you how it went with Lily and Jacob. After spending their first evening together, Lily already knew in her heart that this Jacob was a special man. He was different from everyone she knew and he reminded him of someone, only she could not remember ever meeting anyone like him. After many more such evenings and many conversations had passed, Jacob finally asked Lily to marry him. He had set up shop in a nearby village and was able to provide for a family. In other words, he proved his honesty and his strength to work hard for something that was precious to him. For he was a smart man and as such, he also knew that the man needs to provide for the family, as the woman will need all her strength and love to feel safe and to raise their children. After many moons had passed, Lily was about to give birth to their firstborn son. His name came to her in a dream and she had no doubt that "Gabriel" would be perfect for him. Both, mother and child were very healthy and I would love to tell you that after Gabriel was born all lived happily until the end of their days. Sadly this would not be how things went and I am sure you are already able to guess what I am about to tell you. Gabriel came into this world just fine. He knew in his very soul, which is the foundation of every living being, that he was looking forward to meeting his mother. He was already so excited to meet her while still being inside of her. Mother and child had often communicated with each other, for both remembered how to use telepathy and talked to each other without words. This is by the way a much simpler form of exchange. Words are often unable to truly convey what we would like to express to the other person.

Gabriel was a very bright soul. Very curious and very loving. Easygoing would be the right word to describe his very being. As Gabriel's soul reincarnated into his body, everything felt so warm and nice. He felt so welcome by his mothers spirit that he was overflowing with joy, knowing that one day he would meet her. He did not understand how it would work or what exactly would happen. The only thing he knew was that he was wanted and loved. This feeling of comfort and protection was more than he needed at this moment. No cold breeze and no hunger. All he knew was comfort and love. Quite the feeling to imagine isn't it? No wonder we humans crave comfort so much. You could say that this feeling of comfort and love is a present from god. As we dwell in our mothers womb, we learn to feel what it means to have everything and to just be happy. The thing to life is that in order to appreciate its richness, we also need to experience what it means to leave this comfort and learn to see the beauty in everything by being thankful for our very existence. Now it was time for Gabriel to leave his comfort bubble and enter a world that needs to be experienced.
Can you imagine how confused Gabriel was when he took his first breath? Suddenly everything was so loud and bright and simply alarming. He could not help but cry for his mother. Babies are very well aware of the energy of their mother, as they have lived so long inside of her. They can recognise their mother by her heartbeat, her smell, her touch, her voice and also by her very presence. So Gabriel knew that the person who was holding him now, could only be his mother. Time to snuggle in young man, for this woman holding you right now loves you more than you can imagine. A mothers job is to love her children, Lily knew that and she was very thankful to see her beautiful child cradled in her arms, seeking protection and comfort. There was nothing in the whole world that could have made her more happy than this very moment.

During the first 5 years of his life Gabriel grew to be a curious little boy, who discovered the world anew every day. He could ask his mother any question and she would answer him with the voice of an angel. For Lily understood that children see the world in a different way than most adults do. Children have an open mind. They do not pass judgement yet. You wonder why that is? In order to judge you need to have an opinion. When everything is new, it is hard to have an opinion on a lot of things. This is why it is good to listen to children and learn from them, because they see the world as it is and not how they would like it to be. Children are a present from heaven and they still remember how angels look like and how "pure bliss" feels like. Of course this also depends on the child and the people that surround it. In a loving and caring environment, children can prosper and grow well, like plants in a well maintained garden. Like flowers, children need love to grow and Gabriel had all the love he could wish for. His mother always found the time to listen to him and answer his questions without passing judgement. He was a very lucky boy and Lily was a very lucky mother.

As for Jacob, he felt like the luckiest man alive. He felt so blessed with his beautiful wife and his beautiful son. Sometimes he sat alone at night watching the stars and felt so happy that he could not help but cry. He did his best to provide for his family, because that is what a man must do. In order to receive such a present from heaven, a man must follow his path and provide his family with everything they need. Hard work cannot buy love of course, so his main job is be to make his wife happy, so that she can care for the children and love her husband in return. Women have a way of caring for others that is beyond anything a man can wish for. Men have the ability to work hard and earn a living. Now you are probably thinking "what an old-school thing to say", right? Maybe it seems that way from today's perspective, but when both man and woman work, then who can pass on their love and knowledge to the children? That said, get out of my story and let me finish!

Where was I? Right. Everything was going well and everyone was happy, but when did Gabriel forget about heaven? Well there is one thing that makes us forget about heaven more than anything. Hardship. When we are faced with difficult times and nobody is able to understand us or wants to listen to us, we tend to forget where we came from. This is what happened to Gabriel. One fateful evening, Lily and Jacob prepared to go to the next village, to attend a funeral of a distant cousin. Jacob was at the time sick with the flu and he needed to rest. So as any good parent would, Jacob and Lily asked a friend of the family to take care of Gabriel for the evening. As these things tend to happen, Jacob and Lily never returned. What exactly happened to them nobody knows and even if I knew, some things are best left unsaid. What is important for this story, is that Gabriel never saw them again. No goodbye, no final hug, no words of comfort and no chance to realise what happened. They were just gone. Like a snowflake getting caught in the heat of a fire. How do you tell this to a 5 year old child? Poor messenger, I pity you. For Gabriel (or how his mother used to call him - Gabe) his parents were his whole world. His happiness, his grief and his comfort. Whenever he felt sad he could talk to them and they would simply love him like only a parent can and he would be fine again. Tell me, how would you bring him this message? How can anyone in the world understand how it must feel for him? Everything you knew since you were born is suddenly different. With one sentence his whole world suddenly changed.

"Gabe? There is something that I need to tell you. Your parents did not return from the funeral. We believe they are dead."
Is this something you say to a 5 year old boy? I wouldn't know, for luckily I never had to, but just try to imagine the pain and the sorrow that he must have felt when he heard those dreadful words. A heart breaking a thousand times might describe the feeling that Gabe felt in this moment. I believe it could have been fine if he would have been lucky afterwards. If there would have been an aunt or an uncle or somebody else who was able to love him like his mother did. To just love him for the beautiful child that he was, with all his thoughts, beliefs and feelings. Not everyone is as understanding as your own parents, however. Gabe was a special child and being brought up by Lily he never had to hide his thoughts, or the way he saw the world. For Jacob, Lily and Gabe the world was full of wonder and beauty. They were able to see beauty in a grain of sand. Can you see the beauty of creation in a grain of sand? Can you see the beauty of creation in a fingernail? Can you see it when you sit on the toilet? They could and it was beautiful. Gabe soon came to realise that not everyone was like them. Some people only see pain and suffering. You could tell them about beauty and they would still find something ugly in there. You could point to an oasis and try to make them see how perfect the whole scenery is. An oasis would not be an oasis without the deadly desert surrounding it. An oasis is a paradise, where everything you need is available, surrounded by a world of suffering, heat and deadly venomous animals. Possible starvation awaits anyone who leaves the oasis. Still, there is beauty in the desert and there is beauty in an oasis. You could say they are both metaphors for life. Do you live in an oasis or in the desert? Wherever you live, can you see beauty? Do you believe the desert is ugly to a serpent or a Bedouin? I think not. If there is one person alive who can see beauty in something, there is beauty there. You only need to know where and how to look.

What followed now were hard years for Gabe. He needed to leave his home village, because nobody was willing to care for him there. His family was always considered a bit odd and most people were concerned with their own families and children. So Gabe moved to his uncle in the next village. Here life was very different from what he knew. His uncle was a hard man. Unlike Gabe, Uncle Peter did not grow up with a loving mother. He was beaten a lot by his parents when he was a child and yelled at for every noise he made. Uncle Peter certainly did not see the beauty of life. Gabe often wondered if Uncle Peter knew what beauty was in the first place. Luckily Uncle Peter was not a violent man, so despite his lack of emotion he never harmed Gabe physically. at the age of 7 Gabe was sent to school. Whatever anyone said about the necessity of going to school, he felt that it was a dreadful place. Sitting all day long on a chair and repeating whatever the teacher said to you. In the beginning, Gabe tried to be happy and active like he used to be with his parents. He tried to make everyone laugh by drawing the attention of the class. Falling from chairs on purpose and making jokes. Only he learned quick enough that this kind of behaviour is not wanted or tolerated in a school. After he was first punished with cleaning services and later with the cane, he soon learned to behave and became very quiet. His Uncle Peter did not make things better for him. At first Gabe, who despite the loss of his family did not loose his positivity, tried to warm up to his uncle. He soon learned that there was no room for positivity and cheerfulness at his new home. Whenever Gabe wanted to play and made some noise, his uncle sent him to his room. Although Gabe was trying his best to be happy, it is not easy, when everyone around you is trying to make you sad. Not with words, but with their actions. Children learn what is right and wrong through the way they are loved. When a child does something and his parents use violence to punish it, a child does not feel loved. In this way children learn how to "behave", by doing things that will make other people love them. Gabe now learned that everything he did was wrong. He wanted to make people happy, but that too was wrong. Nobody wanted to be happy it seemed, so they destroyed the one thing that could have shown them the way to happiness. When you are being called strange, weird and crazy too many times you start to believe that you are all of that. Surely, all these many people cannot be wrong? Something must be terribly wrong with you when everyone thinks so. This is how the world works nowadays. When you have something that others do not have themselves, they either take it away from you or they destroy it. Do you see yourself in this story? Can you understand how Gabe felt? He became a very quiet child from then on. The lively and loving boy who liked to make people laugh was now invisible. For when nobody can see you, you cannot do anything wrong. His own cloak of invisibility made form the fabric of silence. I can feel what Gabe felt, because I have felt it too. In a way the story of Gabe is my own story and the story of many children I never met. I know that it makes me sad to write about this, but it also makes me realise something else. Gabe's story is not over yet and neither is mine. When everyone pushes you into a corner and wants you to believe that you are weird or sick or simply just wrong, then you can submit to them and become very depressed. Or you start to fight against these believes. You begin to rebel against the masks that people are wearing. You start speaking the truth and begin to seek out the people that think exactly like you do. Do you wish to know how Gabe's story continued?

Gabe was quiet for a long time. He was so quiet that people did not even remember he existed. He became a shadow of his former self and everyone believed that this is the way he is. This quiet cute little kid. They remembered his former strangeness only fondly, because now he was just quiet. "Finally he fits in", is what they would think. When Gabe became a teenager he did not even remember how it was to be different. He was who he was. Silent. Quiet. Invisible. His opinion was not important and he rather said nothing than to say something wrong. Sometimes he had to answer, because he was asked a direct question. His standard response was "I don't know". The easiest thing to do is to avoid speaking your mind and people will start to leave you alone at one point. Would you rather live a lie then to be yourself? Saying nothing means you do not have to lie. Hiding for such a long time still makes you desperate for love though. You want to be liked and you want to be loved. You want to be accepted and appreciated. You want to be embraced and you want to be touched by someone. Only nobody ever does that, because they don't know how and you don't know how to say that you need a hug so much that it hurts. Whenever Gabe met someone he liked, he became the person the other one wanted. He learned to hide his true self, because he learned that he was not the way he should be. So he fulfilled the needs of others, hoping to please them. Only this kind of behaviour does not go well for long. When he met his first love he was quite happy to have found someone he could finally touch and hug and love. He was so happy that it must have been overwhelming. When you are someone who is able to love, you want to shower your partner with love and not hold back. Only for most people it is too much at once. They are not able to accept this kind of love, because they are not able to see the beauty of it. So every relationship that Gabe went through ended. It wasn't his fault, but his girlfriends always found things that he did wrong. He snored too much. He did not clean this or he did not close that. Meaningless things that are simply human. So they pushed him away, because they were not able to see his beauty. After having lived a life of ups and downs and struggling to find someone who was able to just love him for who he was, he realised that it wasn't possible. Gabe realised that people are unable to love and therefore he needed to learn how to love himself. He lived for such a long time in the dark and waited for somebody to love him, that her forgot about the love inside of him. He forgot that nobody needs to give him love, for he always carries it with him. He forgot that he can share love when he wants to and he forgot that he is at all times loved by his parents. He forgot the love of his mother Lily and his father Jacob. He forgot about love and he forgot about heaven. He forgot about his heavenly father and his earthly mother. He forgot where he came from and he forgot where he will return. Now let us explore briefly how he started to remember...

Do you remember how I told you that hardship is the one thing that makes us forget about the beauty of life? Well, Gabe endured many years of hardship and suffering. When you forget who you are and where you come from, when you forget to love and what it means to be loved in return, you suffer. When all this pain comes from forgetting, then wouldn't remembering help Gabe to realise who he was? The thing with hardship is that on the one hand it can bring you pain, but on the other hand there is beauty and love. When you flip a coin it can land on either side, there is no way to choose right? Right? What if I told you that you can choose? When you flip a coin and it turns out to be the painful side, don't you think it is possible to see the beauty in it? After all it is the very same coin. When Gabe grew up, just before his parents vanished he learned what love is and what it means to have everything you need. As he grew older he learned what pain is and what it means to be rejected. What do you take as a point of reference? What happens to a coin when you erase one side? Then you have half a coin you could say. The coin is not complete any more. When you take this coin as a metaphor for life, then all the ups and downs, the beauty and the pain, they are all part of the same coin. Sometimes we spend too much time on one side of the coin and only see the beauty. Then we trip and terrible things happen to us and we only see the pain. Why not remember the beauty and look at the pain as a reminder that we should be thankful for all the positive things we were able to experience? To remember the beauty of life, is in a way a choice. Only we cannot do so unless we are ready for it. To prepare ourselves and to make it easier to remember we need to collect as many positive experiences as we can. We need to leave our comfort zone and challenge our fear. When we have the courage to take the coin into our hand and look at both sides equally, we hold the key to the beauty of life in our hands. This is what Gabe did. He collected so many beautiful experiences that he remembered where he came from. He remembered the love of his parents. He remembered heaven. Now let me ask you a question? What is your story and can you see the beauty in it? Can you flip the coin?